‘Three Dark Crowns’ – Review

I’m only reviewing this book because it’s on my 2017 Must Read list, I’m going to paste my goodreads review in because I don’t think I could rewrite it any better here! Enjoy!

Full disclosure I didn’t finish this book. It was impossible to finish, I’ve never been so disappointed by a book in my life. I picked up this book full of hope, it came with the promise of strong female characters, politically dramatic plot, magical competition, and a thrilling matriarchal well built world that was sure to blow me away and leave me feeling refreshed and ready to go out and fight the patriarchy with quotes from the text.

It delivered on none of these promises. It did a U-turn. This is Theresa May in book form, I cannot get my head around why this was published or why it’s been allowed to expand its poison into a whole damn series, lemme break this trap down for you so none of you fall into it.

The book has three female triplets in line for the throne, all with different powers, one with poisons, one with nature and what not, and one with the elements, but only the elemental sister actually has any strength, like the book itself the other two sisters fall short and they all have to fight to the death and the winner is the queen. Boom. Sounds amazing no wonder I picked it up right? DO NOT BE FOOLED!

img_1820The strong female characters were carbon copies of each other that differed only in physical appearance and their magical powers, and frankly I didn’t care for them, Blake made no effort to put any actual character into her characters. As well as the three main characters being a let down, Blake threw in about eighty characters with only their names and no introduction or characterisation I don’t know who I’m meant to like or dislike or what. If these characters were a spice they’d be flour.

The plot, though an excellent premise was executed poorly, somehow Blake made it dull as dishwater and tried to force me to drink it, I have no idea how such a brilliant idea could be butchered like this, it’s like an actual butcher who was waiting for her nails to dry was hacking at this book hoping for a prime cut and only got the arse end of a cow. I’m mixing my metaphors and this review is STILL better written than this book.

And finally, possibly the least magical thing about this book, the magic itself. Two sisters have none, which would be great if they went to extremes to hide that fact but they don’t,

img_1816
This amazing map really misled me

and when the one sister did exercise her power it was about as exciting as eating stale biscuits with your nan whilst she talks about what Brenda said at bingo last week about her curtains. I’ve never seen magic written so underwhelmingly. Blake made me feel like a sixteen year old whipping up a storm strong enough to shake a building was no more interesting than mindlessly scrolling through Facebook memes in a doctor’s waiting room.

I’m not usually this harsh about books, honestly, but I’ve been looking forward to this book for so long and I’ve never been hurt so bad.

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